Finally escaped..

Hello all,

After my last post in October 2014, I was captured by a team of elderly people at a nearby nursing home.  I do PC work on the side, and got a job there to do Windows Updates.  They refused to let me leave.  I spent almost 2 years in a room, with a catheter and IV forced into me.  The residents would daily, hourly, bring me iPads, laptops, name it.  The tasks were 99% menial, such as:

"No no, that's not your Windows logon password .. it's going to be your Netflix password to logon to Netflix"

And:

Lady: "I got an email that my Avast account will auto renew.  What do I do?"
Me: "You do nothing.  It will auto renew itself and work fine for the next year."
Lady: "Why do you say I don't ever do anything!?!"
Me: "Mom.  I didn't say that.  I said you don't have to take action to renew Avast, it'll do it on its own..."

Opps!  Just revealed that all of this really comes from helping my Mom with her computer issues.

The Avast story ends with her buying Avast VPN for $19.99, which she doesn't need.  I now have to call them to try and get that money back.

-fkd

A Beached Tank

Is a sad tank.  For it beached.  No one knows why, but then, its family comes with it to beach.  Do they wish to beach?  Do they miss him?  We do not know, but he dies, then they diez.

So sad to see the great beasts beached and died.  Yes died did the great beasts.

Good bye tanks..

WoT: "i c you have a great spot doing lotsa dmg, may I join u?"

This guy ruined my game

It all started when I picked my Lion.  I was doing great dmg vs two IS-6s.  Dude, aka KV-4, notices this.  You see, when you see a teammate farming dmg, that means: 'hey! imma get some!"

He pulls in front of me, and blocks my shots.  Oh, he doesn't mean to, but he gets tracked and he has no healz, no fast track fix shit.  He just sits there perpetually tracked..

Sry for shitty text: I used mspaint.

Psst ... we lost.

So anyhow, I finally just leave him there, blocking my best-spot-on-this-map.  Bcs he is perpetually tracked by the two IS-6s I took down to no hp, doing my pro sky-scrapper (side-scraping).

Three enemies start capping.  I go back to defend.  I die before him.  The good die young, the sucky live.

Oh, and forgive teh blacked-out, redacted names.  WG forbids you name anyone.

Thank god Watergate wasn't handled this way..

Here he sits, perma-tracked and shit, not able to rise, for did not he invest, in skills to incest, that his tracks be repaired, when damaged and snared .. or something.  Edit: insist! not incest!

Watergate

A German Leopard I tank cut in half vs 'other' modern [yes modern] armored vehicles

Man of god

I wish this post were a joke, or exaggerated, but it's totally true:

[Note: I'm helping my Mom with her computer using chrome remote desktop.  For some reason, the mouse doesn't work, so I had to tell her what to do ... it's a known bug]

Mom: "Hi son."
Me: "Hi Mom."
Mom: "You remember that administrator password you gave me and told me never to put in without calling you first?"
Me: "[oh no] Yes Mom."
Mom: "Well .. I got this popup and it told me I needed to update.  I clicked 'yes' to update and then it asked me for that administrator password you gave me, and I put it in.."
Me: "...Mom, I, look, why didn't you call me?"
Mom: "I don't know.   You told me updates were good."
Me: "Yes Mom.  I meant updates form Microsoft, or the legit program maker, but I told you never to use that password without calling me first."
Mom: "I'm sorry son.  Can you help?  I keep getting these things popping up and my computer's running slow."
Me: "Ok, look.  Just don't log into your bank account, ok?"
Mom: "I'm in there right now."
Me: "You logged into your bank?  I told you never to do that if ever you think you've been infected."
Mom: "Well I know.  I was just in a hurry."
Me: "Mom, listen, shut down your computer.  Stop using it.  Only call over the phone or use your phone to access your bank."
Mom: "I can't access my bank on my phone I have to use the computer."
Me: "Mom, you surf facebook on your phone right?"
Mom: "Yes."
Me: "Ok.  It's the same thing.  Most banks even have an app for your phone."
Mom: "But I don't have a mouse on my phone."
Me: "Ok look.  Let me call you later.  I'll remote in and fix your computer.  Just shut it off for now ok?"
Mom: "Ok."

[Later]

Me: "Hi Mom.  Did you shut your computer off like I asked?"
Mom: "Yes.  I unplugged all the cables."
Me: "...Mom I didn't tell you to unplug all the cables.  That wasn't necessary.  I... ok nevermind.  Let's get all the cables back in first."

[An agonizing hour later, after many discussions about the difference between a category5 cable and a USB cable and listening to how bad knees hurt at said age]

Me: "Ok Mom.  Malwarebytes should be asking for the administrator password now. I cannot see that screen."
Mom: "But you told me not to use that."
Me: "I told you to call me before using it, for just such occasions as this infection."
Mom: "So I can put it now?  It won't hurt my computer?"
Me: "No.  It will not.  It wasn't the administrator password that hurt your computer.  It was the malware you installed by giving it.  This is good software now.  Use it now."

[I open the browser and see google shortcuts to ourtime.  Yahoo messenger pops up 'user Manofgod']

Mom: [To Manofgod: 'hi baby!  I'm working on my computer with my son!]
Manofgod: "Hey baby, what are you wearing this time?"
Manofgod: "I am sorry I did not type that I hafe to go."

[Awkward silence]

Me: "Ok.  Mom.  Can you please close yahoo messenger for me?  It's in front of the malwarebytes install screen."

[Malwarebytes install closes]

Me: "...Mom.  I, you closed malwarebytes install."
Mom: "I did?  I didn't mean to. I was just doing what you said to do."
Me: "I did not tell you to do that.  Nevermind.  Ok.  Let's go back to google."
Mom: "How do I get to google?"
Me: "We just discussed this.  The same way you would were I not on the phone with you."
Mom: "Ok.  So click the colorful circle?"
Me: "Yes.  chrome.  Click Chrome."
Mom: "Chrome?  But you said google."
Me: "Mom.  Chrome is a browser and it loads..  Ok look.  Just go to ourtime ok?"

[Chrome opens with google.com as homepage.  'Ourtime' begins to type out in the search box]

Me: "Ok stop!"
Mom: "Why?"
Me: "Because now we have google.com."
Mom: "Oh, ok.  I see that now."
Me: "Ok.  Now erase ourtime and type in malwarebytes like you did earlier."

[Her phone rings]

Mom: "Hello?  Hehe, hi baby! Ok!  Good.  Give me 15 minutes, I'll be right there!  Honey, can you do this without me?  I have to go now."
Me: "Go where?"
Mom: "To meet Bobby off ourtime!"
Me: "...ok Mom.  That's fine."
Mom: "Oh, btw son, can you reset the administrator password to 'Manofgod'?"
Me: "Sure Mom.  Manofgod it is.  Tell Bobby I said hi."
Mom: "Ok son.  He's really a great christian man."
Me: "He's a man of god right?"
Mom: "Hehe!  Right!"

And now for a picture of a dog not giving 2 shits about Cesar Millan

Grand Theft Minecraft

Or Breaking Mindcraft..

Aircraft carrier, you're doing it wrong....