A Beached Tank

Is a sad tank.  For it beached.  No one knows why, but then, its family comes with it to beach.  Do they wish to beach?  Do they miss him?  We do not know, but he dies, then they diez.

So sad to see the great beasts beached and died.  Yes died did the great beasts.

Good bye tanks..

WoT: "i c you have a great spot doing lotsa dmg, may I join u?"

This guy ruined my game

It all started when I picked my Lion.  I was doing great dmg vs two IS-6s.  Dude, aka KV-4, notices this.  You see, when you see a teammate farming dmg, that means: 'hey! imma get some!"

He pulls in front of me, and blocks my shots.  Oh, he doesn't mean to, but he gets tracked and he has no healz, no fast track fix shit.  He just sits there perpetually tracked..

Sry for shitty text: I used mspaint.

Psst ... we lost.

So anyhow, I finally just leave him there, blocking my best-spot-on-this-map.  Bcs he is perpetually tracked by the two IS-6s I took down to no hp, doing my pro sky-scrapper (side-scraping).

Three enemies start capping.  I go back to defend.  I die before him.  The good die young, the sucky live.

Oh, and forgive teh blacked-out, redacted names.  WG forbids you name anyone.

Thank god Watergate wasn't handled this way..

Here he sits, perma-tracked and shit, not able to rise, for did not he invest, in skills to incest, that his tracks be repaired, when damaged and snared .. or something.  Edit: insist! not incest!

Watergate

A German Leopard I tank cut in half vs 'other' modern [yes modern] armored vehicles

Man of god

I wish this post were a joke, or exaggerated, but it's totally true:

[Note: I'm helping my Mom with her computer using chrome remote desktop.  For some reason, the mouse doesn't work, so I had to tell her what to do ... it's a known bug]

Mom: "Hi son."
Me: "Hi Mom."
Mom: "You remember that administrator password you gave me and told me never to put in without calling you first?"
Me: "[oh no] Yes Mom."
Mom: "Well .. I got this popup and it told me I needed to update.  I clicked 'yes' to update and then it asked me for that administrator password you gave me, and I put it in.."
Me: "...Mom, I, look, why didn't you call me?"
Mom: "I don't know.   You told me updates were good."
Me: "Yes Mom.  I meant updates form Microsoft, or the legit program maker, but I told you never to use that password without calling me first."
Mom: "I'm sorry son.  Can you help?  I keep getting these things popping up and my computer's running slow."
Me: "Ok, look.  Just don't log into your bank account, ok?"
Mom: "I'm in there right now."
Me: "You logged into your bank?  I told you never to do that if ever you think you've been infected."
Mom: "Well I know.  I was just in a hurry."
Me: "Mom, listen, shut down your computer.  Stop using it.  Only call over the phone or use your phone to access your bank."
Mom: "I can't access my bank on my phone I have to use the computer."
Me: "Mom, you surf facebook on your phone right?"
Mom: "Yes."
Me: "Ok.  It's the same thing.  Most banks even have an app for your phone."
Mom: "But I don't have a mouse on my phone."
Me: "Ok look.  Let me call you later.  I'll remote in and fix your computer.  Just shut it off for now ok?"
Mom: "Ok."

[Later]

Me: "Hi Mom.  Did you shut your computer off like I asked?"
Mom: "Yes.  I unplugged all the cables."
Me: "...Mom I didn't tell you to unplug all the cables.  That wasn't necessary.  I... ok nevermind.  Let's get all the cables back in first."

[An agonizing hour later, after many discussions about the difference between a category5 cable and a USB cable and listening to how bad knees hurt at said age]

Me: "Ok Mom.  Malwarebytes should be asking for the administrator password now. I cannot see that screen."
Mom: "But you told me not to use that."
Me: "I told you to call me before using it, for just such occasions as this infection."
Mom: "So I can put it now?  It won't hurt my computer?"
Me: "No.  It will not.  It wasn't the administrator password that hurt your computer.  It was the malware you installed by giving it.  This is good software now.  Use it now."

[I open the browser and see google shortcuts to ourtime.  Yahoo messenger pops up 'user Manofgod']

Mom: [To Manofgod: 'hi baby!  I'm working on my computer with my son!]
Manofgod: "Hey baby, what are you wearing this time?"
Manofgod: "I am sorry I did not type that I hafe to go."

[Awkward silence]

Me: "Ok.  Mom.  Can you please close yahoo messenger for me?  It's in front of the malwarebytes install screen."

[Malwarebytes install closes]

Me: "...Mom.  I, you closed malwarebytes install."
Mom: "I did?  I didn't mean to. I was just doing what you said to do."
Me: "I did not tell you to do that.  Nevermind.  Ok.  Let's go back to google."
Mom: "How do I get to google?"
Me: "We just discussed this.  The same way you would were I not on the phone with you."
Mom: "Ok.  So click the colorful circle?"
Me: "Yes.  chrome.  Click Chrome."
Mom: "Chrome?  But you said google."
Me: "Mom.  Chrome is a browser and it loads..  Ok look.  Just go to ourtime ok?"

[Chrome opens with google.com as homepage.  'Ourtime' begins to type out in the search box]

Me: "Ok stop!"
Mom: "Why?"
Me: "Because now we have google.com."
Mom: "Oh, ok.  I see that now."
Me: "Ok.  Now erase ourtime and type in malwarebytes like you did earlier."

[Her phone rings]

Mom: "Hello?  Hehe, hi baby! Ok!  Good.  Give me 15 minutes, I'll be right there!  Honey, can you do this without me?  I have to go now."
Me: "Go where?"
Mom: "To meet Bobby off ourtime!"
Me: "...ok Mom.  That's fine."
Mom: "Oh, btw son, can you reset the administrator password to 'Manofgod'?"
Me: "Sure Mom.  Manofgod it is.  Tell Bobby I said hi."
Mom: "Ok son.  He's really a great christian man."
Me: "He's a man of god right?"
Mom: "Hehe!  Right!"

And now for a picture of a dog not giving 2 shits about Cesar Millan

Grand Theft Minecraft

Or Breaking Mindcraft..

Aircraft carrier, you're doing it wrong....

It was yet another night of "omfg I suck at dota2"..

"fkd what are you even building?"
"Report Axe [I'm Axe and I'm 1 and 12]"

And:

"Don't invite this guy [fkd] to party anymore he blows."

Then later:

I got accused of hacking .. or, I guess I received a mass spam to everyone in someone's friend list of hacking:

And my 13 year old nephew has been playing Dota2 for literally 3 weeks..  He goes 20 and 2ish regularly.  I've never broke even.

Report fkd..

Multiplayer Games Suck

I hate you, multiplayer games.  I do so good vs the cpu, single player.  I play L4D2 and rule single player.  Coach has my back, kills zombies before they hit me.  Rochelle heals me.  Eets nice..

Then, I play multiplayer, I run to the action spot that causes the next event, but, team not with me, I get pounced by hunter and gutted.  "Gawd, uyou scuk fkd!"  Me: "ikr!!!"

Then, I am Tank.  \o/ I AM TANK!!!!!

I run at them!!!  They ... they run away.  They won'tlet me hit them.  Why not?!?!  I don't do so good tank.

I don't do so good tank....

And then, they vote kick me .. they didn't even speak English.

But why else do multi-player games suck?

oh, idk.  Because you might decide to make a clan in World of Tanks....

[Break]

Time for Alice In Chains.  My god, this song is fucking incredible:

So like, idk.  You work hard to build a clan of people.  You check stats, you work on stats of people, you pour over stats, and you develop this fucking stupid moral code:

"Do not ever try to steal members from another clan.  Big no-no.  Do not!!!"

And I never did.  If ever I came across a talented player who was in another clan, I just passed over..

I think it was bro-code:

"Bro, she's hot, but she's that dude's woman.  Don't go for that dude's woman, k?"  Dude's going, "dude, don't take my woman, k?"  It's fucking bro-code

Pssst: I know guys irl that don't respect the bro-code ... psst, I always did....

In WoT, there is no bro-code.

"fkd bro, wtf you ranting AGAIN!?!?"

Well, because I worked hard to build my clan.  I worked very hard, recruiting players not in a clan, and here's the deal:

All I managed to do was create a nice buffet of talent, for other clans to come and snipe.

Let me state this clearly:

If you are building a clan, and you build it by picking apart the membership of another clan, then you are a whore.  You are a man whore.  And here's the other thing:

I am now of the mindset that whoring works.  Everyone successful is a whore. Bill Gates: whore.  Obama, whore...

Whoring is good.  Whore on.  Doing things by the bro-code sucks.  There is no bro-code.  There is no Terminus, no sanctuary, no honest-living.  There are only whores.

Be a whore, or be used by a whore.  Either way, whore.

I've typed this long and not used: ho.  Be a ho.  Time for grill, or gold teeth.  Idfk, I'm too white:

Forgotten Weapons Fires a 7.5 cm Pak 40

I'd say the German soldiers didn't have such long hair, but it makes for a quite a spectacle

Wiki page on the Pak 40

This gun was fitted into the FCM36 tank destroyers captured by the Germans from the French in WW2.  These were known as the FCM36Pak40.  Pics:

WoT: I finally used the shelf meme..

If that's what you call it.

 

World of Tanks: Cap or Kill?

GT: "These idiots are capping when it's 9 of us and 1 left.
fkd: "I always cap."
GT: "When it's 9 to 1?"
fkd: "Ya."
GT: "Why?!?"
fkd: "idk, there's this big flag and a circle, just feels right."
GT: "So that's it? Just a flag and you will forego killing last enemy?"
fkd: "Ya. Like, these rednecks in my neighborhood put an american flag in their yard, and I often drive into their yard up to their flag and just sit there in my car.  They come out and go, 'tf are you doing' and I go, '...capping.'"

This is how I warm-up to play multi-player games..

http://12yearoldsimulator.com/

World of Tanks: The T2 Light Tank & The Lone Commander

Of all the forums, boards, reply threads and bingo nights I post to, it indeed wins....