[Note: I'm helping my Mom with her computer using chrome remote desktop. For some reason, the mouse doesn't work, so I had to tell her what to do ... it's a known bug]
Mom: "Hi son."
Me: "Hi Mom."
Mom: "You remember that administrator password you gave me and told me never to put in without calling you first?"
Me: "[oh no] Yes Mom."
Mom: "Well .. I got this popup and it told me I needed to update. I clicked 'yes' to update and then it asked me for that administrator password you gave me, and I put it in.."
Me: "...Mom, I, look, why didn't you call me?"
Mom: "I don't know. You told me updates were good."
Me: "Yes Mom. I meant updates form Microsoft, or the legit program maker, but I told you never to use that password without calling me first."
Mom: "I'm sorry son. Can you help? I keep getting these things popping up and my computer's running slow."
Me: "Ok, look. Just don't log into your bank account, ok?"
Mom: "I'm in there right now."
Me: "You logged into your bank? I told you never to do that if ever you think you've been infected."
Mom: "Well I know. I was just in a hurry."
Me: "Mom, listen, shut down your computer. Stop using it. Only call over the phone or use your phone to access your bank."
Mom: "I can't access my bank on my phone I have to use the computer."
Me: "Mom, you surf facebook on your phone right?"
Mom: "Yes."
Me: "Ok. It's the same thing. Most banks even have an app for your phone."
Mom: "But I don't have a mouse on my phone."
Me: "Ok look. Let me call you later. I'll remote in and fix your computer. Just shut it off for now ok?"
Mom: "Ok."
[Later]
Me: "Hi Mom. Did you shut your computer off like I asked?"
Mom: "Yes. I unplugged all the cables."
Me: "...Mom I didn't tell you to unplug all the cables. That wasn't necessary. I... ok nevermind. Let's get all the cables back in first."
[An agonizing hour later, after many discussions about the difference between a category5 cable and a USB cable and listening to how bad knees hurt at said age]
Me: "Ok Mom. Malwarebytes should be asking for the administrator password now. I cannot see that screen."
Mom: "But you told me not to use that."
Me: "I told you to call me before using it, for just such occasions as this infection."
Mom: "So I can put it now? It won't hurt my computer?"
Me: "No. It will not. It wasn't the administrator password that hurt your computer. It was the malware you installed by giving it. This is good software now. Use it now."
[I open the browser and see google shortcuts to ourtime. Yahoo messenger pops up 'user Manofgod']
Mom: [To Manofgod: 'hi baby! I'm working on my computer with my son!]
Manofgod: "Hey baby, what are you wearing this time?"
Manofgod: "I am sorry I did not type that I hafe to go."
[Awkward silence]
Me: "Ok. Mom. Can you please close yahoo messenger for me? It's in front of the malwarebytes install screen."
[Malwarebytes install closes]
Me: "...Mom. I, you closed malwarebytes install."
Mom: "I did? I didn't mean to. I was just doing what you said to do."
Me: "I did not tell you to do that. Nevermind. Ok. Let's go back to google."
Mom: "How do I get to google?"
Me: "We just discussed this. The same way you would were I not on the phone with you."
Mom: "Ok. So click the colorful circle?"
Me: "Yes. chrome. Click Chrome."
Mom: "Chrome? But you said google."
Me: "Mom. Chrome is a browser and it loads.. Ok look. Just go to ourtime ok?"
[Chrome opens with google.com as homepage. 'Ourtime' begins to type out in the search box]
Me: "Ok stop!"
Mom: "Why?"
Me: "Because now we have google.com."
Mom: "Oh, ok. I see that now."
Me: "Ok. Now erase ourtime and type in malwarebytes like you did earlier."
[Her phone rings]
Mom: "Hello? Hehe, hi baby! Ok! Good. Give me 15 minutes, I'll be right there! Honey, can you do this without me? I have to go now."
Me: "Go where?"
Mom: "To meet Bobby off ourtime!"
Me: "...ok Mom. That's fine."
Mom: "Oh, btw son, can you reset the administrator password to 'Manofgod'?"
Me: "Sure Mom. Manofgod it is. Tell Bobby I said hi."
Mom: "Ok son. He's really a great christian man."
Me: "He's a man of god right?"
Mom: "Hehe! Right!"
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| And now for a picture of a dog not giving 2 shits about Cesar Millan |